Actually I can

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“Actually I can”

If you had told me a year ago that these three words could have such a profound impact on your life from how you view yourself and the world to what you attract, I would have looked at you blankly and questioned whether you had been overly zealous with the sauvignon blanc that night.

However, for me these three words have come to represent the biggest shift in mine and the people I work with lives.

The thing is you would be amazed [or maybe you won’t be] how often the voice in our head says “oh but I can’t because.” “Oh but I can’t because I don’t have any other options”, “oh but I can’t because where would the money come from”, “oh but I can’t because I am not like that.”  And so on…

I was a serial offender on that front. My mind loved to give me my daily dose of “oh but you can’t”… “oh but you can’t leave your job… How will you pay the mortgage, what about the risks, you are lucky to have a job in the first place” or “nice idea but you can’t because you are x, y and z [inserting some self-limiting belief]”

I was caught up in a viscous cycle of knowing I wasn’t that happy and telling myself there wasn’t anything I could do about it. It was then that my body started giving me clues that this negative self talk wasn’t getting me anywhere. I got pins and needles (leading to an all clear cat scan), I was crying at the drop of a hat and then finally shingles meaning I was signed off from work for two weeks.

This turned out to be the best thing for me, a little gift wrapped up in a nasty virus. I slept, I read, I did yoga. I decided to become a qualified coach and I really started looking at the conversations I was having with myself. I read books like Yoga Girl [Rachel Brathen], Gabriella Bernstein, Shakti Gawain and started to challenge these long held assumptions I had about myself/the world and the power of the mind in bringing what you want into your life. I realised that the only thing that was holding me back was the way I was talking to myself. The way I was taking the bits that suited to reaffirm the “oh but I can’t” argument. The statement that stops us from going after what we really want and deserve.

It was then that I decided to focus on these three words. Actually I can. I put my energy into being my own cheerleader. Being a girl who likes the logical side as well I saw it as an experiment, backed up with a whole lot of research showing the power of positive affirmations. For more examples take a look at this… https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/flourish/200912/seeing-is-believing-the-power-visualization%3famp

So I sit here reflecting and looking back at what changes using those three words have made to my life. I have handed in my notice at my job of 14 years, I have set up a successful business doing what I love and I’ve worked with many amazing men and women who have used these words to do the same. I am nicer to myself, I am more content and the universe seems to be aligning in all sorts of miraculous ways. Ask any of my friends and my most commonly used statement seems to be “you won’t believe what happened to me today…” followed by some sort of inexplicable universal alignment.

The wonderful thing about these three words is that they re-position what your mind is focusing on. Your attitude changes to one of positivity, you dwell on what you can do [and what you want to do] and not the other way round. Your thoughts start focusing on achieving and attracting so you get more of that in return. You give yourself permission to go for it. You give yourself some serious credit.

So, as we come into a season that represents new starts, letting go of what no longer serves us and we take stock of where we want to be I urge you to introduce these three words into your life. Say them, write them, repeat them and welcome them. Then sit back and watch as they work their magic.

Caroline is a business and personal development coach